


the wrath of may

by Nokomis



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Crack, Fluff, Gen, Post-Movie, parenting done right, silliness, spoilers for Spider-Man Homecoming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2017-07-10
Packaged: 2018-11-30 05:24:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11456880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nokomis/pseuds/Nokomis
Summary: Aunt May decides it’s time to have a serious talk with Tony Stark about Peter’s internship.





	the wrath of may

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place immediately after Spider-Man: Homecoming. This is ridiculous and kind of how I'd like to see that scene play out. 
> 
> I'm on [tumblr](http://nokomiss.tumblr.com/).

“I see,” was all Aunt May said after Peter’s halting explanation about the whole Spider-Man business. 

Then she walked into her room, gently shut the door, and after a moment -- long enough for Peter to think things might be cooling off in there -- she started to scream out her frustration. Peter shoved his headphones in and tried to ignore the increasingly explicit rant, but he was only moderately successful. 

Peter bit his lip. It wasn't that he hadn’t thought about what would happen if Aunt May found out, it was just that he had always imagined he would _tell_ her, not that she’d stumble upon him in his Spidey-suit like the moron that he was. This was -- Aunt May had already been suspicious about his behavior, but she'd probably thought… Well. God knew what she had thought. Definitely not that he was a superhero.

She would calm down. He just had to give her a minute.

Ten minutes later, when Peter had already started in on his Spanish homework, frowning at his conjugations, Aunt May emerged from her bedroom. 

“So all this time, you’ve been out there, doing these _unbelievably_ dangerous things, without telling a soul what you were doing or where you where,” Aunt May said accusingly.

“That’s so untrue!” Peter said before he thought better of it. “I always reported in to Happy!”

“Happy?” Aunt May was anything but. 

“Happy is, um,” Peter said, realizing where he had just lead the blame-bus to. “Mr. Stark’s driver?”

“You mean to tell me that Tony Stark not only encouraged you to do this nonsense, but he didn’t even have you report directly to him? He didn’t even think you were important enough to talk to one-on-one?” Aunt May sounded dangerous.

“I think Happy told him what I said on my check-ins?” Peter said. “I mean, he knew about the old lady who bought me a churro. And I mean, he did invite me to join the Avengers but I turned him down. They had a room for me and every---”

Peter cut himself off when he saw the expression on Aunt May’s face. “Really now.”

“Um, I mean..” Peter waved his hands. “I’m sure it was just like a weekend gig or something?”

“First thing in the morning,” Aunt May said after a long moment, “we’re going to this Avengers headquarters. I have some words for Mr. Stark.”

“That’s such a bad idea,” Peter started, but Aunt May wasn’t listening. She had the same gleam in her eyes she’d had back when Peter had been in fourth grade and he’d been put in the class where the teacher just showed them wikipedia articles instead of teaching actual science. 

Peter had to save Iron Man from the wrath of May.

*

Peter slouched in the passenger seat, giving Aunt May his best sullen look. Normally she would launch into some teasing or else put on her emo playlist and sing along cheerfully, but instead she just kept asking _questions_.

Peter answered, albeit reluctantly, because he knew youtube would otherwise, and he really didn’t want Aunt May investigating everything he’d done too closely. She already kept making this face when she mentioned the plane crash, like it was all her worst nightmares made manifest. Peter was trying his best to give a sanitized version of his other missions but even that was too much. 

Aunt May didn’t yell at him, though. She seemed to be saving her anger for Mr. Stark. Instead, Peter kept getting sad little comments asking why he hadn’t confided in her.

It was way, way worse than mad, and she knew it. 

The drive upstate to the Avengers headquarters felt like it lasted eight lifetimes. It hadn’t felt like this with Happy driving, and Peter was surprised to realize he missed him. 

Finally, they pulled up to the gate, and to Peter’s dismay the automated guard shack let them in without hesitation.

“We don’t even know that Mr. Stark will be here,” Peter pointed out feebly for roughly the twentieth time as Aunt May pulled up to the front door, brazenly parked right on the drive, and marched herself right into the Avengers headquarters.

Peter had wanted to text ahead and warn everyone, but Aunt May had foreseen that and had confiscated his phone, which had spent the ride tucked into her back pocket. Peter had superpowers, but he’d been powerless to do anything but sit there and approach his fate.

He slouched up the steps. Maybe everything would be over with by the time he got there.

Aunt May stood at the door, tapping her toe and raising an eyebrow at him. “Peter, I’ve known you how long? You’re coming with me for this.”

“But Aunt Maaay,” Peter said, “I have to work with these people. Don’t make them think I’m just a little kid!”

“You are a kid,” she said firmly, and pushed the door open.

Avengers HQ being, well, Avengers HQ, they were immediately greeted when they stepped inside. Happy kept tugging at his necktie, and said, “You’re not supposed to be here right now.”

“Is this the Happy who kept getting updates from my underage nephew on how he kept flinging himself into danger?” Aunt May said mercilessly, staring him down.

“We should really go,” Peter tried again, pointing back towards the car. “I mean. You’ve made your point.”

“Not yet I haven’t,” Aunt May said firmly. “Take me to your leader,” she said to Happy, with only the slightest quirk of her lips.

Peter tugged the hood up on his jacket and tried to disappear as much as he could. 

Happy sighed, looked around, and said, “You’re just going to make a bigger scene if I don’t take you to Mr. Stark, aren’t you?”

Peter looked around. There were exactly zero people in sight. 

“Most likely,” said Aunt May.

“Fine, come on,” Happy said, and led them down a hall into a room Peter hadn’t seen on his previous trips here. 

Mr. Stark, Ms. Potts and what could only be Vision were settled around a conference table. Mr. Stark was bouncing a rubber band ball, Ms. Potts looked annoyed but kept pushing papers around, and Vision appeared to be reaching _through_ the table. Colonel Rhodes was settled in a chair nearby, and he seemed to be aiming another rubber band at Mr. Stark’s head.

Peter had always assumed that the grown-up superheroes were more, well… grown-up.

“Excuse me,” Aunt May said in her best _I need to talk to the manager_ voice.

Happy edged his way out of the room. Peter kind of wanted to follow. He eyed the ceiling. It was super high up, he could totally just… crawl up the wall and hang out up there and no-one could stop him.

“Parkers!” Mr. Stark said, seemingly oblivious to Aunt May’s glare. “I didn’t expect to see you here, especially so soon after being snubbed.” He gave Peter an unreadable look.

Peter tried to become one with his hoodie.

“I would like to know,” Aunt May started, “exactly _why_ you thought it was acceptable to take my fifteen year old nephew _out of the country_ without my knowledge or permission.”

“Oh, this isn’t a social call,” Mr. Stark said, still unbothered. “I returned him safely!”

“Tony, who is this?” Colonel Rhodes said. 

“This is Peter Parker, the Spider-Man, and his legal guardian,” the Vision said.

“Returning him safely is not the issue here,” Aunt May said. “The issue is you encouraged his teenage stupidity and put him in some absolutely ridiculous superhero pissing contest!” 

“I like her,” Ms. Potts said. “Please, feel free to reprimand Tony as much as you want.”

“The kid’s smart, and I’ve been keeping an eye on him,” Tony said. Even Peter could tell how forced-casual his voice was.

Also, it was ridiculous after everything, but hearing Tony Stark call him smart made Peter feel lighter.

“I know how smart Peter is,” Aunt May said. “But I also know that being smart doesn’t stop you from being a moron. Case in point,” and she stepped forward and jabbed Mr. Stark, right on the forehead.

Peter’s eyes went wide. Aunt May was a badass. Also it was a good thing he’d turned down the Avengers gig, because he would have had to shame-leave and never be a superhero ever again. 

Ms. Potts had her hands clasped over her heart. Colonel Rhodes was laughing. Laughing!

Vision said, “I do not understand the source of the anger.”

“Explain it to him,” Aunt May commanded, pointing to Mr. Stark.

“Wha-- No, you don’t get to boss me around,” he said defensively. “No matter what slights--”

“Use your words and tell the nice robot why putting a kid in danger while his family thinks he’s doing an _internship_ is wrong,” Aunt May said in a tone Peter had heard so, so many times in his life.

“Technically it was an internship,” Mr. Stark said, “just you weren’t aware of perhaps all the pertinent details…”

Peter wondered if Aunt May would start tapping her toe and counting, like she’d done when he was a little kid and didn’t want to clean his legos up.

Instead she just raised an eyebrow and kept her hand on her hip.

“Fine. Vision, it was wrong of me to encourage young Mr. Parker’s amateur superheroing,” Mr. Stark said. “Though I will point out that he was the one who started it.”

Aunt May rolled her eyes. “You’re doing a stellar job here of proving yourself capable of supervising him. I’m almost convinced that he’s the mature one here.”

Peter probably should jump in with something. Anything! He should defend Mr. Stark, only… He was pretty sure Aunt May had the moral high ground, and if he wanted to be able to continue to be Spider-Man without doing irreparable harm to his relationship with her, then he should support her.

So he stayed quiet, for possibly the first time in his life.

“Fine,” Mr. Stark said sullenly. “If, in the future, Mr. Parker’s services are required in a superhero-type situation, I’ll send home a permission slip first.”

Aunt May’s mouth quirked. “See? That wasn’t difficult.”

“Can we go and forget this ever happened now?” Peter said hopefully.

“Forget? Please, we’re going to need your aunt’s number on speed-dial to reprimand Tony when he does dumb things,” Colonel Rhodes said cheerfully. “Pepper, we’ve finally found you some decent back-up.”

“What size shoe do you wear?” Pepper asked Aunt May. “I might need to send you a present for making my day.” 

Peter sighed. 

“You know I’m still sitting right here and can hear you,” Mr. Stark said, glancing between Ms. Potts and Colonel Rhodes. Judging by his expression, he and Peter were on exactly the same page, emotions-wise. 

“Good,” Aunt May said. “Thank you all for your time,” she added politely. “Lovely to meet you.”

She left. Peter followed, walking backwards to shrug exaggeratedly at everyone and mouth ‘sorry!’ at them. 

Aunt May was in a markedly better mood on the drive home, though Peter still had the distinct feeling that he was so very grounded.


End file.
